I have a confession.
I consume an alarming amount of Bravo and true crime.
Not a healthy amount.
Not a “I’ll watch an episode before bed” amount.
The kind of amount where YouTube and Bravo probably think I’m unemployed.
In fact, if there were an Olympic event for switching between Housewives drama and murder trials, I would at least qualify for regionals.
My television viewing habits make absolutely no sense, unless you realize both genres are built around people making terrible decisions.
One minute I’m watching grown women argue over a seating chart in Orange County.
The next minute I’m analyzing courtroom testimony like I’ve secretly attended law school.
Somehow my brain has decided these are the only two acceptable forms of entertainment.
Let’s start with Bravo.
First of all, I watch almost all of it.
The better question is probably what I’m not watching.
Andy Cohen has gotten more of my weekly attention than some extended family members.
Honestly, I know more about the Housewives’ marriages than I do some of my cousins’.
Unpopular opinion, I did boycott Atlanta after Kenya left.
I have my principles.
Are they logical?
Not particularly.
But they’re mine.
My favorites remain Orange County and Beverly Hills.
And while we’re discussing Bravo opinions that may get me into trouble, I believe Tamra Judge is one of the greatest Housewives of all time.
There.
I said it.
Put it on my tombstone.
People love to criticize Tamra, but Housewives is a job.
Someone has to move the story forward.
Someone has to ask the uncomfortable question.
Someone has to walk into the room and immediately create chaos.
Tamra understands the assignment.
She clocks in, stirs the pot, collects her paycheck, and clocks out.
That’s professionalism.
Would I want her interrogating me at brunch?
Probably not.
Do I appreciate what she brings to television?
Absolutely.
But when I’m not watching women argue over who sat where at a charity dinner…
I’m watching homicide trials.
And lately, that obsession has one name:
The Karen Read case.
I cannot quit this case.
I have tried.
I have failed.
Every time I think I’m caught up, another development appears and suddenly I’m three hours deep into legal analysis videos.
At this point, if someone asked me to serve on a jury, I’d have to disclose that YouTube has basically become my continuing legal education.
Emily D. Baker?
Watching.
Lawyer You Know?
Watching.
My YouTube recommendations now look like I may be preparing for the bar exam.
The problem with consuming this much true crime is that it changes you.
I side-eye everyone.
Everyone.
I’ve developed what I call my armchair investigator lens.
Living in rural Wyoming probably doesn’t help. There are only so many neighbors to keep an eye on.
A neighbor leaves their garage open?
Interesting.
Someone changes their story?
Suspicious.
A husband says he’s running to the store at 9:00 p.m.?
Which store?
How far away?
Do we have receipts?
Security footage?
Cell phone data?
I’m just asking questions.
My poor husband didn’t stand a chance.
It started with Making a Murderer.
I innocently suggested we watch “just one episode.”
Seven hours later we were both convinced we could solve cold cases if someone would simply return our phone calls.
Now he’s the one sending me links to true crime podcasts.
So apparently we’ve become that couple.
At the end of the day, Bravo and true crime may seem like an odd combination.
One is about wealthy women arguing at dinner parties.
The other involves criminal investigations.
But honestly, both require analyzing motives, questionable decisions, and people behaving badly.
Maybe that’s why I love them both.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to catch up on Housewives and check for updates in the Karen Read civil case.
Research is important.
I call it research.
At least that’s what I tell myself every time YouTube asks,
“Are you still watching?”
Why yes.
Yes, I am.
